Monday, August 30, 2004

"He was himself a weapon of mass destruction!"

Did Guiliani spit all over his mic just before he said that, or did it just sound that way?

Michael Moore

McCain took the time to insult him in his speech and then the GOP delegates spent a fair amount of time lustily booing him. How much time, I wonder? Two minutes, more maybe? Not nearly as much time as Dub spent frozen in fear or indecision on 9/11, I'll grant you, but pretty significant for prime time.

Apparently the GOP takes Michael Moore pretty seriously.

I thought it made a bit of an undignified segue to the 9/11 ladies, but what do I know.

Exclusive: Official transcript of Bush interview with Matt Lauer

LAUER: How do you think historians will view your actions in Iraq, Mr. President?

BUSH: I'm not the historian. I'm the guy making history, see? I make decisions affecting the lives and deaths, lives all over the world and other people study it and write about the history I make.

LAUER: What do you say to those people who would say that America is in danger of becoming an imperial power . . .?

BUSH: I'm the guy who leads the world, see? America is the world's only power left and it chose me as leader. I choose to lead through liberation, a policy shift, liberating all people from evil-doers regardless of the darkness of their skin.

LAUER: Well now, some people say that your repeated references to brown-skinned and dark-skinned people are a way of playing the race card, using the race card against the Democrats. Can you explain -

BUSH: Hold it. Let me finish. Let me finish, OK? See, I'm the commander. And I don't have to explain myself. Things get explained to me, see? Not the other way around. Maybe someone needs to explain to me why they think I need to explain myself.

(Satan contributed to this report)

Changing the fucking tone

Bush on 8/26/04: "I pledged to work to change the tone in Washington, and I'll continue to pledge to work to change the tone in Washington."

He's doing a good job so far. Big time . . .


"They attacked us for who we are."

Yeah, let's keep believing that fatuous claptrap.

The TRUTH about Jesus

From the men who served with Him . . .

(courtesy reader and occasional Jesus's General guest blogger, Anntichrist S. Coulter)


Saturday, August 28, 2004

Yeah, they've also seen you sitting paralyzed like a poleaxed steer for seven minutes, then flying directly away from Planet Earth at warp speed during America's time of crisis

"They've seen me make decisions, they've seen me under trying times, they've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, they've seen me hug" - Bush on the voters, 8/27/04, to USA Today.

Apologies to Satan. ;)


In his New York Times interview yesterday, in additional to snivelling about 527's, "Mr. Bush also acknowledged for the first time that he made a 'miscalculation of what the conditions would be' in postwar Iraq."

To the extent it suggests any calculation was done in the first place this admission is misleading. The overwhelming weight of the evidence points to the conclusion that his administration utterly failed to do any realistic post-war planning, that it ignored or belittled any voices that suggested rose petals wouldn't be raining down on our troops in Baghdad.

There was no real planning for postwar Iraq,” said a former senior U.S. official who left government recently.

The story of the flawed postwar planning process was gathered in interviews with more than a dozen current and former senior government officials.
One senior defense official told Knight Ridder that the failure of Pentagon civilians to set specific objectives – short-, medium- and long-term – for Iraq’s stabilization and reconstruction after Saddam Hussein’s regime fell even left U.S. military commanders uncertain about how many and what kinds of troops would be needed after the war.

In contrast, years before World War II ended, American planners plotted extraordinarily detailed blueprints for administering postwar Germany and Japan, designing everything from rebuilt economies to law enforcement and democratic governments.

The disenchanted U.S. officials today think the failure of the Pentagon civilians to develop such detailed plans contributed to the chaos in post-Saddam Iraq.

As one example, the Pentagon planners ignored an eight-month-long effort led by the State Department to prepare for the day when Saddam’s dictatorship was gone.

The “Future of Iraq” project, which involved dozens of exiled Iraqi professionals and 17 U.S. agencies, including the Pentagon, prepared strategies for everything from drawing up a new Iraqi judicial code to restoring the unique ecosystem of Iraq’s southern marshes, which Saddam’s regime had drained.

Virtually none of the “Future of Iraq” project’s work was used once Saddam fell.

The first U.S. administrator in Iraq, retired Lt. Gen. Jay Garner, wanted the Future of Iraq project director, Tom Warrick, to join his staff in Baghdad. Warrick had begun packing his bags, but Pentagon civilians vetoed his appointment, said one current and one former official.

Meanwhile, postwar planning documents from the State Department, CIA and elsewhere were “simply disappearing down the black hole” at the Pentagon, said a former U.S. official with long Middle East experience who recently returned from Iraq.
Archaeological experts who were worried about protecting Iraq’s immense cultural treasures were rebuffed in their requests for meetings before the war. After the war, Iraq’s museum treasures were looted.

That's not "miscalculation." That's not bothering to calculate anything.

You'd think, for example, that someone in the administration would have wondered whether the sudden ouster of Saddam would unleash Islamic fundamentalist clerics, like, oh, say, Al Sadr. If that possibility ever crossed the administration's collective "mind," I'm not aware of it.

Wait. I just remembered one thing that WAS planned.

While we're on the subject, read Digby's commentary on Bush's "misundercalculation" coupled with Bush's utter lack of interest in, you know, correcting the problem (not exactly a quality befitting a "war president," is it?). Digby's has been terrific lately . . .

Stand by your woman

From the Charleston Post & Courier:

When Charles Farmer severed his leg in a Ladson motorcycle crash last month, his former girlfriend hurried to his side as he lay bleeding on the pavement.
Her idea of giving aid, however, was helping herself to the injured man's wallet, according to Charleston County investigators.

Sheriff's deputies say Glenda Fay Mizzel snatched Farmer's billfold as he lay unconscious and then used his bank card to siphon $1,040 from his account while he was hospitalized. She used the money to buy crack cocaine, according to an arrest affidavit.

Standing with the help of a walker, Farmer told a judge Thursday that Mizzel had stolen about $1,500 from him on a previous occasion, but he didn't press charges because he "still had feelings for her."


Friday, August 27, 2004

Err'body in the club gettin' tipsy

Remember this? Contrast with this.

Following Bush's simpering to the New York Times ("I understand how Senator Kerry feels - I've been attacked by 527's too"), Josh Marshall asks for nominations for the most unfair anti-Bush commercial. The very few anti-Bush commercials I've seen have gone pretty easy on the special ed president. But my close personal friend SoonersRock, who doesn't have a blog, came up with this fiendish idea for a commercial:

Alternate clips from the Bush partying video with clips from the Bush paralyzed video. Sooners: "Show him partying, show him sitting there, more partying, sitting there again, back to party, back to sitting there as a caption fades in:

I sure could use a drink right now

fade to black."


Thursday, August 26, 2004


Just got paid today,
Got me a pocket full of change
Said I just got paid today
I demand me a good or a service!

"If a construction worker has got more money in his pocket, he's going to demand an additional good or a service. And when they demand that additional good or a service, somebody has to produce the good or a service. And when somebody produces a good or a service, somebody is more likely to keep a job or find work." -- George W. Bush, Las Vegas, Nevada, Aug. 12, 2004

Bush quote courtesy of the priceless Dubyaspeak site.

Apologies to Billy Gibbons and Bill Ham . . .


Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Dirty Bomb

Famous blogger Velociman admits to possessing and deploying biological weapons of mass destruction. Even more shocking, he clearly has the capacity to manufacture more such weapons.

(Warning: Don't be eating lunch when you click on that link . . .)

heh heh heh

Bob Costas just said "Lesbos"

That's a lovely suit you're wearing, President Nixon

As every anti-Bush blogger in the country has observed, John O'Neill, head Smear Boater, former Nixon tool, is finally receiving a little press scrutiny himself. He's officially a big fat lying liar, (see here also) and a political parasite who's made a name for himself by attaching himself to John Kerry like a remora latching onto a shark.

"I was in Cambodia, sir." I hope Eddie Haskell O'Neill gets the kind of attention he deserves.

Olympic scoring scandal

These ladies won a gold medal, yet as even a layperson can see, they failed to stick that spanking.

(pics courtesy MildlyDisturbed)


Monday, August 23, 2004

Double twisting back flip flop in the layout position: Start value: 10.0

Bush was against a ban on issues advertising before he was for it before he was against it before he was for it again, and how.

At least, I think that's what happened. It's hard to tell where Bush stands without super slo-mo.


Thursday, August 19, 2004

Shadowy groups

I will be bereft if no one asks Mr. Bush to define "shadowy group." I want to hear something like this:

A shadowy group is . . . it's in the shadows. In the shadows, and you can't see it. And it's a, it's a, it's a group. And it's in the shadows, shadowy. A shadowy group. See?

What was it about honor and dignity again?

The official Bush/Cheney campaign website.

The official site. Man. That's just embarrassing.

(Thanks, MD!)

Now this is a flip flop

Zell Miller: He was for John Kerry before he was against him.

Is this a waffle or a flip-flop?

'Cause I can't tell.

Bush, March 27, 2002:

I believe individual freedom to participate in elections should be expanded, not diminished; and when individual freedoms are restricted, questions arise under the First Amendment.

I also have reservations about the constitutionality of the broad ban on issue advertising, which restrains the speech of a wide variety of groups on issues of public import in the months closest to an election.

Bush Press Secretary Scott McClelland yesterday (via Atrios)

We've called on Senator Kerry to join us and call for an end to all of this unregulated soft money activity.

Update: Here's a superior post on this topic from the excellent Digby.


Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Bush campaign can't answer simple yes or no questions . . .

Even when it wrote them. Great catch from Jack O'Toole.

God shows us who's boss

You know, in my last post about Bejus showing me who's boss by cutting off my cable, I was kidding.

But Florida Governor Jebay Bush wasn't kidding when he said the hurricane was God's way of sending us a message:

The president's brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, surveyed the devastation by helicopter. Visiting relief workers in Punta Gorda, he defended scientists and local officials from criticism that they had miscalculated the path of the hurricane, which had been expected to hit the more heavily populated Tampa Bay region almost 100 miles to the north.

"God doesn't follow the linear projections of computer models," Bush said outside the emergency management center, whose roof caved in during the hurricane. "This is God's way of telling us that he's almighty and we're mortal."

To which I say, what crawled up His shorts anyway? Couldn't God have chosen a more magnanimous way of showing us His power?

(I'd give credit to the blog where I first saw this story linked, if I could only remember which blog it was . . .)


Sunday, August 15, 2004


As Charley bore down on the South Carolina coast, I prayed: "In the name of Bejus," I instructed Charley, "I command you to stop where you are and move north, away from my house, and away from where I parked my car."

Bejus responded by diverting Charley's wrath a few hundred feet north, where a big old oak tree toppled over on my neighbor's deck. Thank you for sparing me, Bejus! Thank you Lord!

Bejus did take out my cable for about 24 hours. I considered this to be Bejus's way of letting me know Who is boss and so I humbly submitted to His will.


Friday, August 13, 2004

Hurricane Charley hates our freedom

Oops. I just heard that Governor Sanford has issued a mandatory evacuation order for people east of Hwy 17. That means me. Guess I better leave right now. Hahahaha!

Listen, there are some storm systems who feel like that the conditions are such that they can attack us here, with their high winds and storm surges of mass destruction. My answer is bring them on!

A Few Sighs from HELL

Satan, out going to and fro in the world, has been too busy to post on his blog of darkness. He sent me this dispatch from Florida and asked me to post it. I'm always willing to do Satan's bidding, so here it is:

TAMPA, Fla. (AP) - With Hurricane Charley zeroing in on Florida's west coast Friday, the presidential candidates flew into Tampa to personally help the citizens evacuate their homes. "Watch your step, Mrs. Campbell," said John Kerry politely as he helped an elderly voter into his private helicopter. "I'm scared that we're going to go home and nothing is going to be there," 20-year-old Amanda Kellogg said as she packed up her belongings. "Don't worry Mandy," a reassuring President Bush offered, "If your home is damaged or destroyed I'll make sure that federal relief money will pay to build you a new home twice as better as this one." The candidates planned to spend about 10 hours criss-crossing the projected path of the category 3 hurricane. "It's a tight race and people don't forget this type of personal kindness," political analyst Bob Nelson said, "It could all come down to a handfull of votes in Florida once again -- every vote counts." About 6.5 million of Florida's 17 million voters are in Charley's projected path.


Presidential Debates

I see Charles Gibson has been selected to moderate one of the debates. Be a nice break from helping Emil fix hoppin' john.

I envision something like this:

GIBSON: President Bush, tell us how the prayers of the people give you strength as you go about your duties.

BUSH: Well, I - I - I - I'm very humbled and gracious by the many prayers and all the well wishers from the American people. It - it gives me strength and peace, Charlie, as I work to protect our nation from the turrorists.

GIBSON: Thank you, Mr. President. Senator Kerry - do you ever say to yourself, "Just who the hell do I think I am, running for President?"

Bill O'Reilly is not among the moderators. Too bad. He'd be a good pick for the vice presidential debate:

CHENEY: And, in conclusion, Bill, the American people want an honest, capable businessman like me for Vice President, and not a greedy trial lawyer who has driven countless small businesses into the ground.

O'REILLY: All right, sir. I appreciate your honesty and the American people appreciate your honesty. Mr. Edwards, what do you say to these charges?

EDWARDS: Bill, that is just totally inaccurate and I -

O'REILLY: HEY, you! Shut up! SHUT UP! [aside] cut off his mic.


Thursday, August 12, 2004

Bush supporters play race card!

And I for one am SHOCKED! Via Uggabugga, I learn that a group funded by a rich white Republican guy is running ads, in majority-black communities, that accuse John Kerry of being a rich white guy.

I did not know that John Kerry was so rich. And so white. Regular readers of this blog know how I feel about white people. I think they suck. And rich white people suck harder.

I am, therefore, switching my support to George W. Bush, who was born a poor black child.

Seriously - I don't really hate white people. Some of my best friends are white. Heck, I'm white. Like rabid Kerry-basher Jerome Corsi, who was only kidding when he made his anti-Catholic, anti-Islamic, and anti-semitic remarks, I was only kidding when I said I hated white people. Ha ha!

But I am surprised to learn that Republicans hate white people too, so much that they would sponsor ads attacking a politician for being white. Does their hate know no BOUNDS? I mean, we all know Republicans hate black people, Jewish people, poor people, Asian people, Latino people, and all female people. Now we learn they hate white people too.

I guess it's true what they say about conservatives: They're people who claim to love America while hating almost everyone in it.

I wish the Scott Peterson trial would hurry up and end

If for no other reason than I'm sick of looking at Gloria Allred's face on TV.

Why on earth is it taking them so damn long to try this relatively uncomplicated case? Shades of OJ. Is this a California thing? Do California prosecutors spend this much time on every murder trial? Or just the high profile ones? Why doesn't the judge tell the prosecution to get its butt in gear?

And why am I asking these questions? Do I think someone is going to answer them? It's not like I have a comments section here . . .


Wednesday, August 11, 2004

The lexicon of Dub

Bush defines some of his favorite words and phrases:

"'Terrorism' is where there's terror, see? When you have terror, there's terrorism."

"'Tribal sovereignty' means that—it's sovereignty. I mean, you're a-you're a-you've been given sovereignty and you're viewed as a sovereign entity."

"'Compassionate conservatism' is conservatism that's - that's - that's passionate - compassionate. And when you have compassionate - compassion - and conservatism, there's compassionate conservatism."

"The 'war on terror' is a war on terror. See, when you have terror, and then you have a war, then you have a war on terror."

"See, 'turning the corner' means there's a corner, see? And when you turn the corner, that's 'turning the corner.'"

OK, OK. Only one of those is not made up.


Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I'm writing a book

"In Defense of the Salem Witch Trials: The Case for Pressing Witches to Death," in which I will completely debunk the politically correct conventional wisdom that says the Salem witch trials were a shameful episode in history and show that, in fact, they were crucial in removing practitioners of the foulest black arts from the community.

Hey, I know a trend when I see one. This gutsy and explosive historical work ought to get me the national attention I crave and deserve.

(thanks, Andymatic)


Friday, August 06, 2004

Let me be very blunt here

Speaking of Ted Koppel, he was very blunt in his recent interview with Bruce Springsteen:
Bruce, let me put it very bluntly ... Who the hell is Bruce Springsteen to tell anybody how to vote?


And to put it bluntly — it's a late night broadcast — you're going to piss a lot of people off.

"Let me put it bluntly" must mean "let me cuss."

Charlie Gibson was also very blunt when he interviewed Clinton a while back, on the occasion of Clinton's book release: Mr. Gibson threw in at least one "hell" and one "damn" in the segment I heard.

Now, I know "hell" and "damn" and "piss" aren't the worst cuss words ever. But why all the profanity? To me it seems kinda disrespectful to use that kind of language in an interview with a former president.

To put it bluntly, it looks like Koppel and Gibson are trying real hard to prove they're not a couple of fucking sissies.

Not exactly breaking news, but

Ted Koppel complained about The Daily Show during an interview with Jon Stewart during the Democratic National Convention (full transcript of Koppel interview w/Stewart here).

I didn't see the Koppel interview, but, judging from this account in Slate, Koppel was in a bit of huff:

From the start, Koppel made no secret of his distaste for Stewart's show: "A lot of television viewers—more, quite frankly, than I am comfortable with—get their news from […] The Daily Show."

I doubt anyone actually watches The Daily Show to get the news. I watch it because it's usually funny as hell, and because I love the way it spoofs journalistic pomposity and the media's relentless focus on the trivial. Jon Stewart never pretends to be a journalist but he often seems to have more on the ball than the network talking heads.

But even if some people DO get their news from The Daily Show, you can hardly blame them, when they can expect garbage like this from Koppel. And stuff like this(from the incomparable Daily Howler):

On October 4, 2000—one day after Bush-Gore Debate I—Ted Koppel appeared on Larry King Live. King asked Koppel about the factual disputes which drove the previous night’s session:

KING: Okay. Were you impressed with this "fuzzy [math]," top 1 percent, 1.3 trillion, 1.9 trillion bit?

King was referring to the "bit" about the size and distribution of the Bush tax cuts—the campaign’s largest budget proposal. Bush and Gore had battled about the shape of the plan—and in his charges of "phony numbers" and "fuzzy math," Bush had called Gore a Big Liar. The issues involved were stunningly basic. So try to believe that Ted said it:

KOPPEL: You know, honestly, it turns my brains to mush. I can't pretend for a minute that I'm really able to follow the argument of the debates. Parts of it, yes. Parts of it, I haven't a clue what they're talking about.

Koppel is paid millions of dollars a year. The facts about the Bush tax cuts had been clear for five months as he spoke (see THE DAILY HOWLER, 10/24/02). But it "turned his brains to mush," he said, to try to follow the Bush-Gore debate. In this moment, we saw the stunning insouciance of our insider press corps. In any other professional sector, a practitioner making such a startling admission would be subject to suits for misfeasance.


Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Bush/Cheney '04 campaign slogan: We will issue no warning before its time.

NEW YORK (Reuters) - The warning that key U.S. financial centers may be attacked by al Qaeda was based largely on three-year-old information, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said on Tuesday, but he insisted the threat was still real.

Ridge's appearance in New York at the Citigroup building named on Sunday as a potential al Qaeda target came as U.S. terrorism intelligence has come under fire again, this time for forcing police in New York, Washington and New Jersey to massively increase security based on old information.

"I don't want anyone to disabuse themselves of the seriousness of this information simply because there are some reports that much of it is dated, it might be two or three years old," Ridge said.

But he insisted al Qaeda had updated its surveillance of financial buildings "as recently as January this year."

January? Well, that certainly explains why they're warning us now.


*****Tom Ridge has just announced the Bush administration has uncovered a terrorist plot to hijack planes and crash them into prominent American targets on 9/11/01******

Let them eat Prozac

Via Cursor:

Thu Jul 29, 2004 01:50 PM ET WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A campaign worker for President Bush said on Thursday American workers unhappy with low-quality jobs should find new ones -- or pop a Prozac to make themselves feel better.

"Why don't they get new jobs if they're unhappy -- or go on Prozac?" said Susan Sheybani, an assistant to Bush campaign spokesman Terry Holt. The comment was apparently directed to a colleague who was transferring a phone call from a reporter asking about job quality, and who overheard the remark.

When told the Prozac comment had been overheard, Sheybani said: "Oh, I was just kidding."


Monday, August 02, 2004

Did you miss me?

I'm back. Had a great time. Must do that more often.

I missed the DNC convention. Doesn't matter - I'm voting for Kerry over Bush unless Kerry gets caught boinking a goat.

Wait - I'd vote for Kerry over Bush even if Kerry gets caught boinking a goat.


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