Saturday, December 23, 2006

Take your "happy holidays" and SHOVE'EM!

I'm sorry, did you just say "happy holidays?" To ME? Were you talking to ME? Well, you must be talkin' to me 'cause I'm the only one here.

"Happy holidays," you say? "Happy FUCKIN' holidays?" Well, I just have one question for you, Mr. Anal-Sex-loving-secular-Jew-atheist-lieberal: Why do you hate the baby Jesus?

I'm talkin' about the War for Christmas, bitch. It's ON, baby. It is so ON.

My schedule does not permit me to fight War for Civilization in Iraq, but fortunately I DO have time to fight the War for Christmas, by loudly taking offense at people who do not use the proper words when extending seasonal good wishes to me.

A few days ago, I naively purchased a CD of Christmas standards. Imagine my disgust when I played the CD only to learn it contained a song called "Happy Holidays," recorded by one "Bing Crosby." If Mr. Crosby didn't hate Christ, would he have recorded a "Christmas" song that didn't even mention Christ in the title? I think the answer is obvious. I don't know much about Mr. Crosby, other than that he's a dead singer, but it's clear from this song that Bing Crosby was an early insurgent, if you will, in the War on Christmas. So I invite all right-minded people, including Mr. C.B. Berry of North Myrtle Beach, Mr. Dan Riehl, and Mr. Bill O'Reilly to join me on Christmas day in a ceremonial smashing of Bing Crosby CD's.

If you love the baby Jesus, meet me at the corner of Gervais and Main, in Columbia, South Carolina, at 12:00 noon on Christmas Day. If you don't show . . . well, I'll understand. I'll understand that you hate Jesus.


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