Sunday, September 05, 2004
Random hurricane blogging
Carl Hiaasen once said, "There's nothing wrong with South Florida that a category five hurricane wouldn't fix." Shoot, he ought to know better than that - after a hurricane, people always rebuild, and the new stuff is always bigger and uglier than the stuff it replaces. I myself have often wistfully imagined a hurricane coming along, and, with surgical precision, removing from the Grand Strand coastline certain structures that I find aesthetically displeasing, while leaving untouched the old beach cottages, the mom-and-pop motels, and the Swamp Fox roller coaster. But that's just not how hurricanes work.
Speaking of hurricane categories
What is a "category five" hurricane, you may ask? Hurricanes are categorized by strength according to something called the Saffir-Simpson scale; there are five categories. Consult the list below (adapted from this website) for a description of the hurricane categories:
"As you can see the wind is really picking up . . ."
Roger Ailes on those cliche anchor-on-the-beach-in-the-wind shots. It would be kind of cool, just once, if a well-timed rogue wave . . .
Give me a sign that you approve of my governing, God, just any little sign . . .
Following Charley's deviation from its predicted course a couple of weeks ago, Governor Jeb said God was sending a message:
I wonder what message God is trying to send now, by pummeling Florida relentlessly for two-plus days? Maybe God is trying to tell Jeb to stop intimidating black voters.
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Carl Hiaasen once said, "There's nothing wrong with South Florida that a category five hurricane wouldn't fix." Shoot, he ought to know better than that - after a hurricane, people always rebuild, and the new stuff is always bigger and uglier than the stuff it replaces. I myself have often wistfully imagined a hurricane coming along, and, with surgical precision, removing from the Grand Strand coastline certain structures that I find aesthetically displeasing, while leaving untouched the old beach cottages, the mom-and-pop motels, and the Swamp Fox roller coaster. But that's just not how hurricanes work.
Speaking of hurricane categories
What is a "category five" hurricane, you may ask? Hurricanes are categorized by strength according to something called the Saffir-Simpson scale; there are five categories. Consult the list below (adapted from this website) for a description of the hurricane categories:
Category 1
Hurricane is accompanied by a 4 to 5 foot storm surge. Winds are 74 to 95 mph and may cause minor roof damage, fallen trees, and Jeb Bush's jowls to jiggle vigorously.
Category 2
Storm surge 6 to 8 feet; winds from 96 mph to 110 mph, causing Jeb's jowls to flap like the ears of a basset hound in a wind tunnel.
Category 3
Storm surge 9 to 12 feet. Winds from 111 mph to 130 mph, causing extensive damage; Tom DeLay's toupee may experience moderate uplift.
Category 4
Storm surge 13 to 18 feet. Winds from 131 mph to 155 mph; damage extreme; roofs will be blown off buildings; Katherine Harris's makeup may partially delaminate.
Category 5
Storm surge higher than 18 feet. Winds greater than 155 mph, causing catastrophic damage and the severe mussing of Katherine Harris's hair.
"As you can see the wind is really picking up . . ."
Roger Ailes on those cliche anchor-on-the-beach-in-the-wind shots. It would be kind of cool, just once, if a well-timed rogue wave . . .
Give me a sign that you approve of my governing, God, just any little sign . . .
Following Charley's deviation from its predicted course a couple of weeks ago, Governor Jeb said God was sending a message:
"God doesn't follow the linear projections of computer models," Bush said outside the emergency management center, whose roof caved in during the hurricane. "This is God's way of telling us that he's almighty and we're mortal."
I wonder what message God is trying to send now, by pummeling Florida relentlessly for two-plus days? Maybe God is trying to tell Jeb to stop intimidating black voters.
