RoguePlanet

Shorter President Bush *

"The details of my social security plan are for me to know and you to find out!"

At his press conference today, President Doofus vowed that he would not "negotiate with [him]self" on social security. Now, I've heard people say "I won't bid against myself" in some contexts (for example, you make an offer of X dollars to buy a house, the seller rejects your offer without countering, the real estate agent suggests you make another offer, you huffily retort that you will not bid against yourself). But I've never heard anyone say that he wouldn't negotiate with himself. I don't even know what that means. I don't think Mr. Bush does either, as he kept saying it in response to reporters' attempts to get him simply to explain his plan.

Here Mr. Bush refuses to be fooled by a wily reporter's trick question:

QUESTION: Mr. President, on that point, there is already a lot of opposition to the idea of personal accounts, some of it fairly entrenched among the Democrats. I wonder what your strategy is to try to convince them to your view.
And specifically, they say that personal accounts would destroy Social Security. You argue they would help save the system. Can you explain how?

BUSH: I will try to explain how without negotiating with myself. It's a very tricky way to get me to play my cards. I understand that.

By all means, don't play your cards, Mr. Bush. Hold them close to your vest. Don't let these pesky reporters trick you into disclosing your plans to the peons who elected you.

On another topic: Mr. Bush downgraded Rummy's performance evaluation from "fabulous" to "very fine."


*"Shorter" concept stolen from Elton at busybusybuy

Update: Here's busybusybusy's version