RoguePlanet

I hope her boss didn't read this
(Subtitle: OK, Anntichrist, maybe Bill Hicks had a point)

From the Charleston, SC, alternative weekly The City Paper, a letter* from the world's worst waitress, and also possibly the world's worst writer, bitching about customers who don't tip:

I have got to talk about this. It aggravates me daily on why people do not tip well or even know how to tip at all. Waiting tables has its ups and downs like any other job or career, but when we're only making $2.13 an hour, we waiters and waitresses must rely on our goods and good services for a tip from our guests, its called a gratuity. It's called being gracious to the guest and in return the guest must pay us for services. Now, personally, I know I am a good server, key things here: attentiveness, knowledge, quickness, friendliness, etc. are what a make a good server, right? Then why do so many servers bust their asses to give good service and in return get nothing for it? . . . . If I'm busting my ass and in the end I get two bucks on your fifty-dollar check, you can guarantee that if I ever wait on you in the future, you will be waiting on me, because I can assure you that you will get your beverages when I feel like getting them to you and I couldn't care less if your food is screwed up or it's cold . . .

Have you ever looked at your bill and noticed that your server did not charge you for your soft drinks or maybe even a side of something or perhaps a dessert? A few times it may have been that they have forgotten, but generally, they want to give you the hook-up, so they also want a bigger tip. They want you to hook them up. Think about it, a dessert that would have cost you $5, you are getting for free, so why not put that $5 toward the tip for your server who so graciously gave it to you in the first place? You would have had to pay for it anyway! In addition, the server could lose their job over giving free things away, so why not throw a couple extra bucks down on the table?

I think that guests should start looking at their checks more carefully. It is my absolute favorite when I accidentally charge two bucks for an extra beverage, but then I didn't charge for a $4 bowl of soup. Then I get, "Excuse me, waitress, you charge me for an extra soda and we only had three." My reply, "I am sorry about that, let me fix that for you and I will be right back." I go fix the problem, I take off the two-dollar soda and add on a $4 bowl of soup that they ate, and then I bring the check back and it's $2 more than the previous check. By this time, the customer is dumbfounded and doesn't understand because they failed to notice the time that they were not charged for but notice the soda. So I apologize and tell them that I took the soda off but here is the bowl of soup. Well, sorry buddy but you're paying more now for not being paying attention and keeping your mouth shut.

Listen, honey. If your customers are routinely stiffing you, maybe it's not them. Maybe it's YOU.

*Alas, this letter isn't on The City Paper's website