Thursday, December 22, 2005

Subliminal stalking victims unite!

A New Mexico woman is seeking a permanent restraining order prohibiting David Letterman from thinking of her:

SANTA FE, New Mexico (AP) -- Lawyers for David Letterman want a judge to quash a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who contends the CBS late-night host used code words to show he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.

A state judge granted a temporary restraining order to Colleen Nestler, who alleged in a request filed last Thursday that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her "mental cruelty" and "sleep deprivation" since May 1994.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."


Nestler told The Associated Press by telephone Wednesday that she had no comment pending her request for a permanent restraining order "and I pray to God I get it."


Nestler's application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and "eye expressions" to convey his desires for her.

She wrote that she began sending Letterman "thoughts of love" after his "Late Show" began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.

She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised "teaser" for his show by saying, "Marry me, Oprah." Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

I feel Ms. Nestler's pain. I've lost track of the celebrities who are stalking me. For example:

George Clooney: Three years ago, I sent George Clooney a fan letter and now he's constantly signalling his lust for me with a series of coded winks and facial expressions. Every time I approach him at a publicity event or happen to see him as he exits a hotel lobby, he telegraphs "I want you NOW" with his eyebrows. Only he uses more explicit language, if you know what I mean. The mental sexual harassment is extremely stressful.

Angelina Jolie In 2002, I sent Angelina Jolie thoughts of lust, and she responded by getting a tattoo with a secret meaning, known only to Angelina and myself: "kc, you sexy bitch, no man can please you the way I can." Since then she's gotten many more tattoos, all of which convey her desire to do unspeakable things to me.

Keanu Reeves: I once waited outside Keanu Reeves's hotel room to get his autograph. Whereupon he began sexually stalking me via certain meaningful fighting moves in the Matrix movies. When he leaped into the air and did 6 horizontal rotations, he was actually saying to me, "I've never wanted a woman the way I want you. Come and be with me. Be my soulmate, my lover. Stay with me for all eternity."

Jake Gyllenhal: Recently, on a trip to New York City, I approached Jake Gyllenhal in a restaurant, just to say hello; he then deliberately preceded me out of the restaurant and ran down the street in front of me in a sexually taunting manner. I intended to take a right at the intersection and proceed down the cross street and he sensed my intentions and went down the street before me. No matter how fast I ran, he ran faster. I couldn't get away from him. It was horrible. He continued to run in front of me until he ran up to a policeman, at which point I seized the opportunity to dart into a subway station. Unfortunately, he continues to think of me which has caused me great anxiety.

So, yes, I can attest that subliminal harassment by celebrities is a HUGE problem. Vastly under-reported.


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