RoguePlanet

No blogging for a couple of days

I'll be out of town. Y'all behave.

I [heart] trees

Check out my tree-hugging post over at Distance blog.

I'd like to dedicate it to Acidman.

Shorter Albert Mohler, Jr.:

"Prepare to burn in HELL, Bob and Liddy Dole!"

Longer R. Albert Mohler, Jr.:

By R. Albert Mohler Jr. LOUISVILLE, Ky. (BP)--According to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Joe and Deb Schum of Atlanta aren't worried about baby proofing their house or buying a car seat. As a matter of fact, the couple doesn't ever intend to have children and they are proud of their childlessness. According to the newspaper's report, "The Schums are part of a growing number of couples across the country for whom kids don't factor in the marriage equation."

*****

Christians must recognize that this rebellion against parenthood represents nothing less than an absolute revolt against God's design. The Scripture points to barrenness as a great curse and children as a divine gift. The Psalmist declared: "Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate" (Psalm 127:3-5).

Morally speaking, the epidemic in this regard has nothing to do with those married couples who desire children but are for any reason unable to have them, but instead in those who are fully capable of having children but reject this intrusion in their lifestyle.

The motto of this new movement of chosen childlessness could be encapsulated by the bumper sticker put out by the Zero Population Growth group in the 1970s: "MAKE LOVE, NOT BABIES." This is the precise worldview the Scripture rejects. Marriage, sex, and children are part of one package. To deny any part of this wholeness is to reject God's intention in creation -- and His mandate revealed in the Bible.

The sexual revolution has had many manifestations, but we can now see that modern Americans are determined not only to liberate sex from marriage (and even from gender), but also from procreation.

*****

The Scripture does not even envision married couples who choose not to have children. The shocking reality is that some Christians have bought into this lifestyle and claim childlessness as a legitimate option. The rise of modern contraceptives has made this technologically possible. But the fact remains that though childlessness may be made possible by the contraceptive revolution, it remains a form of rebellion against God's design and order.

Couples are not given the option of chosen childlessness in the biblical revelation. To the contrary, we are commanded to receive children with joy as God's gifts, and to raise them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We are to find many of our deepest joys and satisfactions in the raising of children within the context of the family. Those who reject children want to have the joys of sex and marital companionship without the responsibilities of parenthood. They rely on others to produce and sustain the generations to come.

****

The church must help this society regain its sanity on the gift of children. Willful barrenness and chosen childlessness must be named as moral rebellion. To demand that marriage means sex -- but not children -- is to defraud the creator of His joy and pleasure in seeing the saints raising His children. That is just the way it is. No kidding.

(emphasis mine)

Mohler is president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky.

A new blogger emerges daintily from her commenter cocoon

The lovely and talented and inimitable (though others TRY to imitate her) Anntichrist S. Coulter is now blogging over at Blondesense, which I had to find out through Jesus's General since Annti was too modest to tell me herself. A-HEM.

Here's her first post. Go over there and encourage her to express her opinions more forcefully - let's all try to bring her out of her shell.


Blondesense has been duly added to the illustrious Rogue Planet blogroll, as has the gorgeous Eschatonian Desi. Check'em out.

I have no limits!



Unfogged links to a particularly drama-queen-ish post by Buttrocket of Powertools fame:

>...but now some Democrats have sunk lower. They are hinting that John Roberts is a homosexual because he was once photographed--more than thirty years ago--wearing plaid pants. You think I'm making this up? Charmaine Yoest has the story. If you think that's contemptible, consider this: some on the Left have also suggested that Roberts' four year old son is "gay."

Throughout American history, until now, there have been limits. There have been depths beneath which Americans would not sink for the sake of partisan advantage. Even during the Civil War, when the Democrats were fighting to preserve slavery, limits were observed. Now, all civility is gone. There is no depth to which some Democrats will not sink. Hold your nose. Things are only going to get worse. With MoveOn and the Daily Dose dominating Democratic politics, all constraints are gone.

Good Lord, who on the left (I mean, the Left) is suggesting that Roberts's son is gay - or even "gay?" No one I read. It's impossible to tell if the kid is "gay," and it would be irresponsible to suggest otherwise. I hereby denounce those people on the left (I mean, the Left) who have suggested that Roberts's son is gay, or "gay," if any such people exist. Frankly I'm surprised that Buttrocket would even publicize these unfounded rumors about the child. What the heck was he thinking, spreading these rumors across the Internets? On his Blog of the Year? SHAME on him. Has he no decency? Are there no limits beneath which Buttrocket will not sink in his pursuit of partisan advantage?

(GIMP art by the handsome and talented MD. Unfogged link via Political Animal)

Speaking of firebrands

Digby has a great response to one of those "Democrats-should-be-more-Republican" Democrats.

Blogging for grown-ups

Kevin Drum has always been one of my favorite bloggers; his was one of the first political blogs I started reading. I've always liked his mild-mannered, level style, which makes an appealing contrast to the fiery preaching of some of the other left-leaning blogs I read. Don't get me wrong, I love some of the firebrands; I just find Drum's low-key style to be a refreshing contrast to the pitched fury and cheap jokes (you know, like on this blog) that swirl around most of the Internet. Not that I agree with him all the time, by any means.

Of course some people can't stand him for the very qualities I like, and especially lately, he's had a number of lefty commenters angrily denouncing him for being insufficiently hard on Bush, and insufficiently angry about some of the things that piss the commenters off. But Mr. Drum's cool about it. Unlike, say, Michael Totten, he's not going to go weeping on the shoulders of right wingers because some lefties were mean to him.

Anyway, Mr. D's been on vacation this week, and LA Times columnist Michael Hiltzik has been guest blogging, along with Lindsey Beyerstein. I'd never heard of Mr. Hiltzik before but I've enjoyed the heck out of his thoughtful posts, esp. the ones about journalists' coziness with their sources. And I'm sure I don't just like his posts because I agree with most of them. Mr. Hiltzik just posted his last post this evening. So go read his other Political Animal posts now, while they're still fresh.

Now 'scuse me while I go read me some Rude Pundit. Hey, it takes all kinds . . .

Torture is such a laff riot



Rush Limbaugh's website has a page featuring photos of Limbaugh's moron fans proudly displaying their "Club Gitmo" T-shirts. Check it out. The banality of evil personified.

Naturally, the one above caught my eye. It shows one of the vacuous ditto-heads and his children posing with South Carolina's own Governor Richie Rich. The picture was taken at a celebration of the opening of Charleston's fabulous new bridge.

Note the body language: Our lean, tan, aristocratic gov looks like he's trying hard to minimize body contact with the sticky-looking ditto-head, who has one arm latched around Sanford's waist and the other clutching one of his children. I can't say as I blame the gov. I wouldn't want ditto-head cooties, either.

You know Sanford hates this crap. He COULD be living a life of ease down on his Charleston acreage, but he had a higher calling: To enter politics so that he could systematically dismantle the institutions of government, and cut taxes for people like himself. His mission is a noble one. Still, how distasteful it must be for him, having to get out there and pander for votes amongst the rednecks. I'll bet he goes home and scrubs himself down with Lysol after every one of these press-the-flesh events where he's forced to mingle with the hoi polloi.

(Lard Mountain link via Wonkette)

Shorter Brad Warthen

"Bush shouldn't bother doing the right thing about Karl Rove because Democrats want him to do it for the wrong reasons."

("Shorter" concept stolen from busybusybusy)

Fanatics on the right, weasels on the left

Blogger Mike of Colorado Veterans for America has a report on an appearance by Rep. Tom "Bomb Mecca" Tancredo (R. CO). Apparently Rep. Tancredo has decided to run with the bloodthirsty-fanatic act; he reiterated his call to bomb Mecca in response to any futurist terrorist attacks.

Rep. Tancredo is kind of like a male version of Ann Coulter. Oh, wait . . . OK, then, he's an older version of Ann Coulter. Oh, right . . . um, Tancredo is like Ann Coulter, if Mr. Coulter were a Congressman.

I must note (grudgingly) that conservative Hugh Hewitt denounced Rep. Tancredo's moronic remarks.

By contrast, Democrat Ken Salazar of Colorado issued this weaselly statement:

"I respect other religions and other groups, including Muslims, and I think Rep. Tancredo's comments may have been taken out of context," Salazar said. "I would not have used those same words. I think they were a poor choice of words."

Boldly going where we've already been

Back to the moon, baby!

"I quit"

Lisa at Distance blog posts a letter from a former Republican explaining why he's leaving the party. Read the whole thing.

Funniest non-Onion headline of the week

From the Myrtle Beach Sun News:

Woman arrested after beating boyfriend with cell phone, nunchucks

From staff reports

A Myrtle Beach resident was arrested late Wednesday night after allegedly beating her boyfriend with a cell phone and nunchucks.

A cell phone and nunchucks. That makes me laugh. I don't know why . . .

I've been kind of miffed at Satan

because he hasn't updated his blog in nine months. Some Lord of the Underworld HE is.

But in fairness to him, world affairs have kept him very busy - getting Bush re-elected, the wars, the genocide, the innumerable bombings, and promoting Harry Potter books in schools. His activities in the latter regard have drawn the ire of a Cayce, South Carolina resident, Mr. C.L., who writes to The State newspaper:

The photo of Nursery Road Elementary School principal Mary Kennerly in witch’s garb in last Sunday’s paper (“The magic of the written word”) was particularly distasteful if not shameful: What are they teaching children in school nowadays? Magic?

Magic conjures up thoughts of witchcraft and the underworld, not to mention the garb(age) worn by Ms. Kennerly. Magic and witchcraft are not as harmless as they might seem. Witchcraft is a religion. Ever heard of the Church of satan? (I purposely did not capitalize his name to show my dishonor.)

Where is the separation of church and state? School principals should know they will be held accountable for their actions. In this case, Ms. Kennerly should be reprimanded along with others who allow or promote witchcraft to become part of the school curriculum.

C____ L_____
Cayce

Now, Satan is a cyber-friend of mine, and I appreciate that he has an extraordinarily busy schedule. But if he doesn't resume blogging soon, I shall purposely cease capitalizing his name, to show my dishonor.

That'll teach him.

This week

Has pretty much sucked.

Next week will be better, right?

Heroes

Today the Sun News carried an Associated Press story about a reunion of a handful of black men and women who defied Jim Crow laws in Greenville, South Carolina, to segregate the public library there.

45 years later, students who staged library sit-in gather

By Heidi Coryell Williams

The Associated Press

GREENVILLE - Benjamin Downs can't recall whether he was one of six or eight Sterling High School students who, 45 years ago Saturday, intentionally broke the law by reading inside the "whites-only" Greenville County public library.

He remembers flipping through a magazine - Field and Stream, he thinks - but he wasn't really reading. He was too worried. Worried about his female companions sitting at a nearby table and worried for himself - about being arrested for the first time in his life.

He was wondering what his mother, the sole breadwinner for the family, would think, and he worried whether she - like some of his friends' parents - would be forced out of that job as a result of his actions.

For Dorris Wright, being arrested was nothing new, and on July 16, 1960, she was ready to be jailed again, this time for staging the sit-in at the North Main Street library. She had been arrested once for sitting in front of a city park and once for refusing to move to the back of a bus.

Her mother encouraged her activism, Wright said, because "it was a means to an end."
Elaine Means simply hated to hear the word, "no," especially when she knew her parents paid the same taxes the white families across town did and yet blacks couldn't use most of Greenville's public facilities.

And for the Rev. Jesse Jack-
son, it was sheer disbelief that he had to wait six whole days for a book that, though unavailable at the black library on McBee Avenue, was sitting on a shelf at the white facility. He could easily have picked up the book simply by walking or hopping on a city bus, but when he tried, he was stopped at the door.

[snip]

So the eight students walked through the library doors in an act of civil disobedience, speaking fewer than than 10 words the entire time they were there, Downs said. Fifteen minutes later, a city police officer led them away.

They were arrested, handcuffed, and taken to jail, because they dared to enter the whites-only library and touch the white folks' magazines. Thousands of similarly ordinary (well, Jesse Jackson aside) unassuming people led the fight to de-segregate the South's schools and public facilities. Heroes, all of them.

Anntichrist!

Where the *&$#@ity *@%# are you?

Blog stuffo
Steve at Distance blog has kindly invited me to co-blog over there. Little does Steve know I've spent the last couple of days picking fights with big-shot bloggers . . . Anyway, I accepted before he could reconsider. So I'll be posting here occasionally, along with several way more interesting bloggers.

The pressure's on now . . . I'll try to come up with something interesting at least once a month.

Anyhoo, thanks, Steve!

History Lesson

Recently, Myrtle Beach's minor league baseball team had a promotion called "Fiesta de Beisbol:" For one night, the game was announced in Spanish.

When I first read about it, I knew discontent would follow. And it did. At least one local resident felt "disrespected" by the promo.

But he [MB resident Tom Sprinkle] won't renew his season ticket after feeling disrespected during the game July 9. He's upset that "Fiesta de Beisbol" - which featured Latin American culture, music and food and during which the game was announced in Spanish - came only six days after Independence Day, a holiday made possible because of the heroics of displaced immigrants 229 years ago.

Naturally, "Fiesta de Beisbol" invoked ugly memories of 9/11 for some residents, who recall how 19 men of Hispanic descent hijacked planes and crashed them into American targets:

They [Grand Strand residents] remember that the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks were orchestrated by men from foreign shores.

Mr. Sprinkle, explaining his discontent, explained why "Fiesta de Beisbol" offended him so:

The 61-year-old [Sprinkle], denied entry into the military because of a heart murmur, said his father served in World War II and his brother served in the U.S. Navy.

"They fought so that English would be spoken in this country," he said.

He said he simply wants to preserve the "official American language," though he didn't mention that Mexicans - U.S. citizen or not - are American.

"Do you know who just got that home run?" he asked during the game, not noticing that names are the same in Spanish and English, only the sound of the announcer's voice different.

(emphasis mine)

Didn't we suffer enough with Sherman?

Via Michael Miller at Public Domain Progress: The American Taliban is poised to invade South Carolina and set up a theocracy:

Plans to reform our government to more Christian-like principals are in the works and we may feel the effects, right here in the Upstate. That is because South Carolina has been chosen as the place for hundreds, even thousands of Christians to move to, in hopes of impacting the government.

Irony? Or Moron-y?

You know, I've stuck up for Time reporter Matthew Cooper on Kevin Drum's site. But this is ridiculous.

Cooper testified in the Plame grand jury investigation today. Then he spoke to reporters outside the courthouse:

Cooper implored special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald to wrap up the case soon so the grand jury can be dismissed. When that happens, Miller will be freed.

The moronic part: Cooper failed to mention that it's been his and Miller's refusal to testify that's prevented the investigation from being wrapped up:

[Special Prosecutor] Fitzgerald, in urging the high court to reject the reporters' requests for protection, wrote that by the fall of 2004 his investigation "was for all practical purposes complete except for the testimony of Miller and Cooper."

PHOTO: President Bush meets with members of his cabinet in the Cabinet Room of the White House, Wednesday, July 13, 2005, as his brain, left, looks on. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Bush's brain is toast

WASHINGTON - President Bush passed up a chance Wednesday to express confidence in his brain in a political fight over a news leak that exposed a CIA officer's identity. The lack of endorsement surprised some White House officials who had been told Bush would back his brain.

Bush's brain's lawyer, Robert Luskin, later asserted that Bush's brain had "cooperated fully" in the federal investigation, had done nothing wrong and was prepared to provide additional information to a special prosecutor if needed.

"My brain is a very good friend," the President said to reporters on Wednesday, "a very good friend whom I've known for a long time and with whom I will continue to consult."

On Wednesday, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi of California repeated Democratic calls for Bush's brain to be terminated.

"Whether it's a criminal offense or not, Bush's brain committed an act against the national security of the United States. It's up to the special prosecutor to find out whether Bush's brain should also be indicted in addition to being terminated. So yes, I think Bush's brain should be removed from the White House," Pelosi said.

Bush refused to directly answer questions about whether he had spoken to his brain about his discussion with Cooper.

"I have instructed my brain to fully cooperate in this investigation," Bush said. Bush's brain sat stoically during the questions about its involvement. Observers were surprised that Bush stopped short of expressing full confidence in his brain.

Earlier, first lady Laura Bush, talking to reporters while traveling in Africa, called Bush's brain "a very good friend" but said she did not want to talk about the investigation.

White House press secretary Scott McClellan said Bush didn't express his confidence in Bush's brain because he wasn't directly asked if he supports his brain. But he said Bush still has confidence in his brain and agrees with Mrs. Bush that his brain is a good friend.

"Everyone who works here at the White House, including the president's brain, has the confidence of the president," McClellan said.

(Satan contributed to this report)

Cat on chicken action

Warning: This link contains adult content.

Michael Totten, then and now

Michael Totten then (Nov. 6, 2003):

Shorter version: "We cannot run away from Iraq as the cowardly Democrats would have us do!"

Long version:

Thank heaven for that 40 percent. But more than half [of Democrats] want to run away.

What a complete and utter disaster that would be. Nothing we could do, and I mean nothing, would ratchet up more terror attacks than surrendering to them. The Democrats would have blood on their hands. The Baathists and Islamists would wage a devastating civil war in Iraq. If the left doesn’t like war, they shouldn’t go and kickstart a pointless and evil one into action.

There are thugs in Iraq. There are innocent civilians in Iraq. Our soldiers stand between the innocent civilians and the thugs. If we step out of the way, innocent civilians will be killed by those thugs.

(emphasis mine)

Michael Totten now:

Short version: "Bush and Rumsfeld want to run away from Iraq. Good idea!"


Long version:

If Iraq becomes a functioning stable democracy -- whether it becomes one on our watch or not -- we will have accomplished every single one of our objectives in that country. If the Islamists want to twist that into a "victory" for their side because we left and let Iraqis mop up the dead-enders, let them have their delusions.

(emphasis mine)

Shorter Eliot Cohen

"I supported the Iraq war because I had no idea we would fuck it up so badly."

Via Atrios.

(Again: "Shorter" concept stolen from the infinitely superior Elton at busybusybusy.)

Shorter Brad Warthen: "Democracy sucks."

In his column in today's State paper, Brad Warthen reiterates the right-wing conventional wisdom that the Spanish election results were the result of the Spanish people's caving to the terrorists. In London, says Mr. Warthen, "[y]ou won’t get fear, or surrender (as in Spain)." He said much the same thing in his July 8 blog entry (no link here because his blog posts are egregiously slow-loading, but it's the post in which he talks about how September 11 got him all excited 'cause he figured it would shake us out of our national rut).

Mr. Warthen completely ignores the likelihood that Spain threw Aznar's government out because it tried to exploit the train bombing there for political gain and LIED egregiously to the people about the identity of the perpetrators. Nah, he just dutifully repeats the right-wing line that the cowardly Spaniards surrendered to the terrorists. Of course if you read Mr. Warthen regularly you realize that he doesn't have a high opinion of voters in South Carolina either - he thinks he's smarter than two thirds of them (looking at Junior DeMint, I have to think he's probably right).

("Shorter concept stolen from busybusybusy)

p.s. No, I did not egg Mr. Warthen's house! I haven't egged anything since I was in the eighth grade. But . . . ahem . . . does Idontbelievethestate have an alibi?

Bad Citizens

From The State:

By JEFF WILKINSON
Staff Writer

First Citizens bank has asked the city of Columbia for a demolition permit to raze the 134-year-old Brennen Building, the oldest building on Main Street and former home of the storied Capitol Restaurant.

If razed, Brennen would be the third century-old building the bank has demolished near an office tower it is building on the first block of North Main Street.

Preservationists and others are steadfastly opposed to the demolition. Many people are emotionally attached to the building because of the popular restaurant.

First Citizens indicated when it purchased the building in 2002 that it would try to preserve it. But the bank now says renovations would be too costly.

(emphasis supplied)

Poor Bush: Out of the loop again

Via Digby, we are reminded that in 2004 Bush was with seeming earnestness expressing a desire to find out who the Plame leaker was (though of course he didn't deem it a big enough deal to, like, actually ASK anyone at the White House:

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 Posted: 1:46 AM EST

WASHINGTON (CNN) --President Bush said Tuesday he welcomes a Justice Department investigation into who revealed the classified identity of a CIA operative.

"If there's a leak out of my administration, I want to know who it is," Bush told reporters at an impromptu news conference during a fund-raising stop in Chicago, Illinois.

Of course, now we all know it's Bush's right hand man, the porcine and vengeful Karl Rove.

So unless Bush was lying in 2004, heaven forbid, he was clueless about the nefarious manueverings of his top aide Rove. How embarrassing for Bush. Despite his protestations to the contrary, he is SO obviously not in charge. He had to wait for orders from Cheney on 9/11; when a plane entered restricted air space in DC, he was the last to know; and now this.

Poor Bush. He's a like a mushroom. They keep in the dark and feed him shit.

I wonder if they tell him his approval ratings are way up? "Yes sir, everything's great! Your ratings are sky-high! The people love you and they love what you're doing! Just stay the course, sir, stay the course! Remember . . . 'Resolve!' Eh!? Eh? 'Resolve,' baby, that's the word! You da MAN, sir, you da man!"

Non-knee-jerk reactions to London

NTodd links to a 2003 post of his about peace.

At Michael Berube's site, John McGowan posts about "the rhetorics of violence."

Shorter LGF'er

"It is now time for somebody else to kick some major Islamic ass!"

("Shorter" concept stolen from busybusybusy)

London bombings indicate desperation; Islamic terrorism in its last throes!

They also indicate that the terrorists didn't get the "flypaper" memo.

My heart goes out to Londoners (as it does to Iraqis who endure this kind of horror every single day). I never will understand how some people can slaughter their fellow human beings with no qualms at all.

Kevin Drum is far nobler than I am . . .

Onion re-run

This week's Onion is a collection of old stories, including this classic, one of my faves: Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory on Virgil's Minor Works

An excerpt:

WASHINGTON, DC—President Bush delighted an intimate gathering of White House dinner guests Monday, regaling the coterie of dignitaries, artists, and friends with a spirited, off-the-cuff discussion of the Roman poet Virgil's lesser-known works.

Above: An effervescent Bush delights friends with tales of the poet Virgil.
"Ah, W. was in top form tonight," Spanish foreign minister Josep Pique Camps said. "We were all held captive by his erudition and charm. First, a brief history of the opium trade, then a bit of Brahms on the piano, then a rousing discussion of Virgil. That boy is a wonder, isn't he?"

According to guests, the subject of Virgil arose serendipitously, when a servant opened a window in the Red Room, to which the group had retired for after-dinner drinks. Noticing the breeze, Bush raised his glass and delivered a toast to the changing of the seasons. He then apologized to "lovely Winter," explaining that he "meant no slight against her."

"The first blush of Spring always reminds me of Virgil's words," Bush said. "In early spring-tide, when the icy drip / Melts from the mountains hoar, and Zephyr's breath / Unbinds the crumbling clod, even then 'tis time / Press deep your plough behind the groaning ox / And teach the furrow-burnished share to shine."

"Book One of The Georgics, of course," Bush added.

(I can cut-and-paste with the best of them . . . )

Send this girl to camp

Steve Gilliard is asking for money again. On the one hand, I've always thought it was unseemly for a perfectly employable adult to beg for money from strangers. On the other hand, I've always wondered if I could get away with it.

So don't send your money, of which I'm sure you all have LOTS, to Steve Gilliard. Send it to ME. 'Cause I need it more than he does. I need to get my car AC fixed - scratch that, I need a new car. The way I figure, if you, my readers, chip in I'll be able to buy a new car which will ultimately benefit this blog in ways that I should not have to explain so I won't insult your intelligence by doing so. Anyway, if each of the four of you were to send me, say, a mere $2,500.00 apiece, I'll take care of the difference and get something perfectly suitable.

Seriously, the car AC IS broken. And it sucks. I've been resisting doing anything with it, because I've got to get a new car sooner rather than later, but today it was 105 degrees and I couldn't take it anymore. I took it to my longtime mechanic. After pumping $130 worth of freon into it, he determined there was something wrong with either the compressor or some evaporator valve or the evaporator, or all three. He wrote his diagnosis on my ticket:

"NOISEY COMPRESSOR"
"RESTRICTED VALVE AT EVAPORATOR"
"LRAICACIL FRUIR EVAPORATOR ARUP?"

His writing is kinda hard to read. It looks like Cyrillic.

Anyway, the cost to fix it would be "astronomical," in his words. Certainly it would be in relation to the value of the car, which is a '95 Saturn with 186,000 miles on it.

This mechanic, Mike, has been telling me for the last, oh, 100,000 miles that I need to start looking for a new car. When the Saturn hit about 85,000 miles he started telling me, "The Sat-turns don't have much longevity. My other Sat-turn customers aren't getting much more than 100,000 miles out of their Sat-turns."

"OK," I said. Bummer, I thought.

Around about 120,000 miles or so, Mike told me, "You just can't expect to get 150,000 miles out of most cars." I said, "Why not?"

At about 160,000 miles, I started getting the impression that Mike was kinda pissed that my car was still running. "You've done well with your Sat-turn," Mike said, grudgingly, "but you can't expect to get many more miles out of it." "I'm shooting for 200," I told him.

Today, I said to Mike, "It's got 186,000 miles on it. You didn't think I could do it, didja?"

"You've certainly proved me wrong," Mike said.

"See! I was PROVED FUCKING RIGHT!" I shouted. OK, I didn't.

As much as I'd like to shoot for 250,000 miles with the Sat-turn, just to see Mike's head explode, I suppose it IS time I start looking seriously for a new car. All I know is that I want a small car that gets great gas mileage. I love small cars (I like big cars, too, as long as I don't have to drive them). I love being able to park in nooks and crevices where SUV's fear to tread. Though if we have another couple of days like this one, I'll take anything I can get.

The way oil prices are going, I may be able to get someone to GIVE me a Hummer . . .

Good thing he didn't watch "Rosemary's Baby"

Jewish rapper accepts Jesus as the Messiah after watching "The Passion of the Christ":

Jewish parody rap star 50 Shekel, who was once billed as "The World's Most Kosher MC," recently shocked the Jewish world with an announcement on his website: he's accepted Jesus as the messiah.

*********

"This random morning I woke up to pastors speaking on the radio, and they were speaking about Old Testament stuff," says Cohen. "I didn't set my alarm, I didn't set it to that station."

This experience, Cohen believes, was a sign from God that he should have enough "matzoh balls" to explore Christianity.

After that, Cohen watched Mel Gibson's movie, "The Passion of the Christ," and immediately became fascinated with Jesus. It was then, he says, that he "came to faith." "After seeing 'The Passion,' my mouth was wide open for about 20 minutes straight," Cohen says on his website. "I was shocked... Jesus was the messiah! Messiah is moshiach The Anointed One that we've all been waiting for. This movie is not anti-Semitic. I have just fallen in love with God."

Shorter Brad Warthen

"Livin' sure was a lot easier before my generation decided it was chic for women to have jobs."


("Shorter" concept stolen from busybusybusy)